


Till Death Do Us Part

by GingerEnvy



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M, Thorki - Freeform, warning: feels ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 18:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerEnvy/pseuds/GingerEnvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Loki is alone, but not really. He is haunted by his love, whom he can not see, hear or feel. This is how he moves on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Till Death Do Us Part

Loki rubbed his eyes again, he had been up for hours, there were bags under his eyes that were worse than normal, he was well known for working himself into exhaustion. But this time, it was different.

He was working himself into forgetting.

He didn’t want to go to an empty bed, he didn’t want to be in an empty apartment, he didn’t want to think, or breath.

It had been six weeks since the accident, five since the situation was deemed hopeless. And four since Loki had to bury another loved one. This time however it was so much worse because it still felt like he was there.

He turned, because he could swear he felt those concerned blue eyes on the back of his head, telling him silently to come to bed.

But there was nothing there, just the clock on the wall, stating it was 4:17AM.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and then closed the book and started shuffling the files together into a semblance of clean. Then he got up, his back cracked and he went off to bed, on the right side, because the left was usually taken by a muscular blond. It had been.

He lay down, after taking off his shirt and pants and slipped under the covers, his back to the empty place beside him. It did not last for long, he turned back around and his hand reached out, and gently rested where a body used to lay, used to pull him close and keep him there the whole night.

No longer.

“Thor…” Loki breathed as a single tear fell from a sorrow filled green eye, he closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath to hold back the pain

Despite his protests and chagrin, Loki had always hated sleeping alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor was no fool, he knew he wasn’t actually there, or alive, or whatever, he knew he had died.

The last moments of his life were foggy, but he did remember seeing those green eyes staring at him with so much pain, he couldn’t forget him. Loki. The one he loved.

He was wherever the other man was, watching out for him in anyway he could, he knew Loki couldn’t hear him, but he still spoke to him anyway. He felt like it was something that was right, that even if he couldn’t hear, it still may help. Thor had always been an optimist.

“Loki,” he said frowning as he looked at the clock over his shoulder, “It’s late, you need to go to bed.”

Thor was pleased when Loki did glance at the clock, he cursed tiredly and then started cleaning up.

Thor followed after him, he was silent and made no air move as he did, he wondered if maybe he was in a dream, or this was his heaven, being with the one he loved, even in the afterlife. He wasn’t sure. But watching Loki be in so much pain…that wasn’t what he’d considered heavenly. At least he got to see him.

He went to the bed after Loki lay down, he watched him as he lay there stiffly, Thor knew he was trying not to think, but his lover was always full of thoughts, he could never stop.

He sat on the bed, making no indent even as it felt like it should when he was so used to being there and the dark gray comforter that had seen more action than most surfaces probably should, Loki reached out and that pain filled breath of his name made Thor’s heart crack.

“Oh Loki…” Thor replied, the pale gray form of his hand gently resting on top of his lovers, even if he couldn’t feel it, “I am so sorry, if I could change things to prevent you from feeling this pain…I would…”

He laughed then, brushing the fingers the brunette could not feel across Loki’s forehead and over his cheekbone, “But you would tell me I was a fool for thinking so, I know that, but I would say it anyway, because I know it might make you feel better…”

“You know I would do anything for you…and you me, though you never said it, I did know…” he whispered as he watched his lover drift off to sleep, the tear drying on his face.

“I love you,” Thor whispered and leaned over pressing ghostly lips to Loki’s forehead.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Loki woke up late, he had no need to get up early now as he was on leave for an extended period of time, but he was still working because what did they expect him to do? Twiddle his thumbs?

Loki wasn’t exactly dedicated to his job, he was good at it sure, working with equations and the theories behind some engineering inventions, but it was pretty boring, it wasn’t what he wanted to do. But what he wanted was now impossible.

They’d planned to go traveling, that’s why he had this job,it paid very very well, they were going to see the world, it would have been great. Then they would have come back, Loki would have gotten a job he enjoyed and they may have talked of adopting kids, it could have been anything.

But not anymore, there was really no point anymore. For anything.

But he still got up and out of bed as he had for the last week, the week before he’d spent either at the kitchen table drunk off his ass, or on the bathroom floor hungover to the point of madness.

That had stopped after Sif had come over and confiscated all of his alcohol, there had been a lot of screaming and throwing of random objects. But eventually Loki had just broken down in Sif’s arms and sobbed.

She had set him right for a short time, and yeah, she had been right, Thor wouldn’t want to see him like this, he wouldn’t want to know that his death had broken him. He had to go on, if not for himself, but for Thor.

Loki would get up dutifully every day, take a shower, get dressed and go attempt to eat something, eating did not come easy, but he at least tried.

He was in the middle of that routine at the moment when he spotted the mess in the corner as he towel dried his hair.

It wasn’t really a ‘mess’ persay, it was just messier than Loki usually allowed, but upon further inspection it was just Thor’s work clothes that he’d thrown in the corner, missing the basket as he usually did, they were quite dirty as it had rained on his way home and he somehow managed to make it look like a tornado touched him, Loki never figured out how…

His hand reached our because it couldn’t stay there forever, he liked having a clean house, and he usually picked it up and nagged Thor about it later, but he got an inch away before his hand started shaking, he choked.

“Fuck!” he cried, falling to his knees without grace and pressing his forehead to the floor as he sobbed. His fingers gripped the shirt and it was then pressed to his face, he could still smell him, through the rain and the dirt. He was still there dammit!  
He cried into the shirt until there was a damp spot, he couldn’t control himself, every time he was close to stopping the despair just came on anew.

“Thor…Thor…please…” he begged, he didn’t know what for, but he did.

It took him a long while to calm down, but eventually he did and he took the clothes off of the ground and put them in the basket, he lifted the basket and took it to the laundry, feeling as if he were in a trance. He set things up, put in the soap, turned the dial and then dumped the clothes in the wash.

His finger hovered over the button, he swallowed and then pressed it, feeling that just maybe, he was finally letting go.

He turned and left the laundry room to go find something to distract himself.

Strange though, that even in an empty apartment he didn’t feel alone as he went about his day, trying for a semblance of normal.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor didn’t sleep, he didn’t really need to now did he? Instead he just watched Loki rest.

Thor loved looking at him, he really did, he liked seeing him as he was, as he thought, slept, ate, he just liked to watch. Loki had called him a creeper many a time for this, but he didn’t care, he also knew Loki liked it usually. Because he would look over his shoulder and just laugh.

He would call Thor an oaf in that tone, the one that meant he was either incredibly aroused, or very happy. Thor liked both, no he adored both. The affection and sweetness that Loki only showed him, Loki made sure he knew how much he was loved without saying it.

Thor knew he was loved and gave that love back in return.

Yet hated seeing him in this much pain, his snarky sarcastic and snide lover. With a glitter in his green eyes, and a smirk on his lips, Thor knew exactly what Loki would be thinking, and that was all he needed really.

But now, there were bags under his eyes and his cheeks were sunken in and he had lost weight and there hadn’t been much to lose in the first place. His beautiful smart Loki was slowly wasting away and he could do nothing to stop it.

He sighed, “Loki…it’s okay…really, you can let go,” he murmured watching the brunette curl around himself over Thor’s dirty clothes, it was so silly…but it also hurt a whole lot.

“You love me, I know…I have always known, but please don’t do this to yourself, not for me…never for me…” he whispered, setting his hand on Loki’s back even though the other couldn’t feel it.

He did feel a small amount of pride when Loki did actually wash the clothes, aside from them probably smelling awful, it did mean Loki was trying and Thor couldn’t ask for much more than that.

“I am proud of you, babe,” he said, sitting across the table from him as he ate and worked, “You’re doing better than me I think…I can’t…”

He took in a quick breath, “I can’t even imagine what would have happened if it’d been me who’d lost you…god…” he gave a little half laugh.

“The apartment would look like shit and Sif would know better than to take alcohol away from me while I was actually awake…damn, I’d be such a fuckin’ mess without you…” he said, “You are what always kept me sane, you know…without you…I would just fall apart.”

“But you, you were always so…so stable, even though I know how many problems you had…losing your parents and your brothers…getting beat up and bullied at school…shit you came home with more bruises on your knuckles than I ever did and I had the muscles …but you…you were always just so…strong, you would get kicked down and get right back up again. That’s why…it’s so much better that you’re alive, you are the one that deserves life.” Thor murmured, reaching out to touch Loki’s face, for a moment green looked up as if he could feel it, but then the phone rang and the moment was over.

Thor hummed though, glad he’d said what he did, it needed to be said, even if Loki couldn’t hear it, it was true. Loki had always been the fighter, Thor was and had always been a pushover because he had a soft heart. But he had Loki to protect him most days, he hadn’t been too worried.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Loki glanced up, as if he’d felt something, a brush of fingers where Thor usually touched his face, but no it couldn’t-  
His phone buzzed and he sighed, he grabbed it from where it was vibrating and jingling on the table, it wasn’t a number he recognized, but he’d gotten a lot of those recently, so he didn’t really care.

“Yeah?” he answered tiredly even though it was only two in the afternoon. He also didn’t particularly care that he sounded bothered by the call. And to think he’d used to scold Thor for the same thing. (Though it had been a bother as they’d usually been otherwise occupied.)

“Loki?”

Loki went absolutely rigid as he slowly stood, his eyes darkened and his knuckles went white, his phone made a creaking sound that probably wasn’t healthy for the casing.

“What the hell do you want?” he snarled into the phone, because she had no right to call him, not now- especially not now! Not ever!

“Please…I just wanted to talk…to…apologize…” the woman murmured, she sounded tired and sad, it was to be expected, she had lost her son.

“Well it’s a little fucking late for that!” Loki yelled, “Seven years! Seven fucking years you didn’t say a damn word! You have no right to say anything now that he’s gone!”

“Loki please, I didn’t want it to last this long…I know I should have been more adamant…I was-”

“Scared? Ha! Well that doesn’t matter now does it? No need to worry about me corrupting him any more! He’s safe from me!

He’s where I can’t get him! I ope you’re happy now!” he screeched, eyes already prickling with angry tears as he chucked the phone across the room, it hit the wall and broke into pieces.

He took in a rattling breath to try and calm down, but he couldn’t, he knew he shouldn’t talk to her like that, for a short time she had helped support them when they needed it, but he just couldn’t forgive her. Not for this.

He let out a shaky sigh and ran a hand through his hair, “Dammit…” he muttered, putting his face in his hands.

“Thor…what do I do?” he whispered brokenly.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor bit his lip when he heard Loki’s tone, he knew who was on the line, and he felt a wave of longing for her, his mother. A strong proud woman who had been there for him for most of his life, until he had come out as gay. And while Thor knew she had no real problem with it, she had to support her husband who would have nothing to do with his fag son.

She had spent many years trying to convince him to leave Loki and just come home. It was a selfish need of hers to have those she loved close to her, Thor could not blame her as he was the same with Loki, which was why he couldn’t leave him.

Loki had been orphaned at the age of eleven, they had been neighbors for years, the two boys were inseparable before that, but then Loki’s parents and two younger brothers had gotten into a car accident, his father was killed on impact, his mother died in the hospital and one brother went into a coma only to die a few weeks later, the other died shortly after their mother.

Loki had been left all alone.

He had been taken in by a foster family that treated him decently, but he’d had to move away, he and Thor had still kept in touch, they had later met again in high school and things had progressed from there. Leading to a much closer relationship than what they’d had as children.

Loki had experienced losing too many important people in his life for Thor to leave him, he just couldn’t not when he knew he was all Loki had.

Thor placed his gray hand on Loki’s head, “I don’t now…but I know you’ll figure it out. You always do.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Loki wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to ‘move on’ to the level people expected of him, as Thor was the only one who really knew him and he felt that at this time, trying to get to know another person to the level he had Thor would take too much time and he had no energy or desire to devote to doing that.

But maybe, just maybe he would be able to live on and do something good for the sake of the man who had given him so much. He owed it to Thor to give something back.

And he was sure that somewhere maybe, just maybe Thor was proud of him for trying.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor watched his lover go on with life, smiling.


End file.
